Silvermoon Guardians

It's possible some people might not have even noticed my abrupt and quiet departure. There's more to it than it might sound on the surface. Nobody saw any messages about me leaving, nobody saw "Arlanni has left the guild" appear in their chat box... like I said, there's more to it than it might seem, on the surface.

Early Thursday evening (1/15/09) I decided I was going to leave World of Warcraft. Not just the guild... the game. And I decided that if I was going to do it, I had to do it right. I had to make it so it wasn't too easy to return, and I had to make it so I wasn't expecting to return. My account was pre-paid until mid-February, and I had to make it so I wasn't setting myself up to simply set up a new payment plan before it expired.

So... I deleted all my toons. Zsuzsa, Arlanni, Phaeae, all my mules, all my Horde toons... every one of them. I removed Arlanni's guild account for this site (although I still have a functioning user name/password), and uninstalled the game from my hard drive. I went to bed early, since I had to work the whole of the weekend.

Thursday night comes... drags on... and fades into Friday morning. I can't sleep. My alarm clock goes off, it's time to get ready to go to work... I simply could not sleep a wink. This has happened to me before, so I climb out of bed, get ready, and off I go. I finish my shift and come home, do some writing (long time hobby of mine, I have over 35 years experience in expository and creative writing), and go to bed.

Friday night drags on... and on... and fades into Saturday morning. I absolutely canNOT sleep.

Now I am really worried. It's time to go to work again and I haven't slept a wink in two nights and three days. I am dragging at work and at one point I don't feel well and have to abruptly stop and lean against a wall. A co-worker notices and summons two managers who help me get to the break room and sit for a few minutes. The theater is an absolute nuthouse and the last thing they need is to lose another pair of hands, but they're more concerned about my health. I had home, less than halfway through my shift. I eat dinner, watch a show on TV to let it digest, and go straight to bed.

8:30 Sunday morning I am ready to call my medical insurance provider and tell them I need to go to the hospital ER. I still haven't slept a wink. I am forced to call out of work altogether for that day. My Managers are concerned and I tell them I will update them ASAP.

A thought comes into my head and I am both sickened and disgusted by it... but at this point I'm ready to try it-- I'm ready to try anything. I've been up four days straight and how I was still able to sit straight and think and speak coherently, I thought it shouldn't be possible.

I re-install WoW on my hard drive. I create a level 1 toon on The Scryers realm, and open a GM ticket. I wait, and one answers. My request is for my deleted toons to be restored. Turns out even deleting toons is far from irreversible if you ask for it to be un-done, quickly. My toons are all restored, even mail waiting in their mailboxes was intact. I log Zsuzsa in and do a few Northrend dailies. And finally... finally... I sleep.

This all sounds absurdly silly but it's no longer a laughing matter for me. Everyone jokes about WoW addiction... but I am living proof it is no joke. And that I had developed a dependence that actually transcended the line between mere psychological, and PHYSICAL... quite honestly it scared, and still scares, the hell out of me. I made an appointment with my doctor soon as the office was open (Martin Luther King's Day made me wait til yesterday to call).

One thing that deleting my toons did, and restoration did not undo, was remove Arlanni and Zsuzsa from the SMG guild roster. As some of the Guardians probably noticed, I didn't ask to rejoin. A couple of my friends, also former SMG'ers, were part of another guild and I joined them there.

I will add some of the Guardians-- those I liked and respected the most-- to my friends list.

Much as I wish I could simply up and leave again... I know I'm not going anywhere, any time soon. If I ever do want to try again, the first thing I do is get some serious medical supervision. That too, probably sounds ludicrous on the surface... but lie in my bed the way I did, three nights straight and utterly fail to sleep a single wink all three nights... and you won't be laughing any more.

The Silvermoon Guardians all have my apologies for my vanishing act. In truth, that's what I wanted to do... just vanish. Not just from the guild... but from the game. Now I see that it's not that simple... things rarely if ever are.

Perhaps I'll see one or two of you around Northrend some time... and I'll stop and wave hello.

For the Alliance,

--Holly C.
Arlanni
Zsuzsa
Phaeae
et al.

I wondered where you went.. was looking for you on my Excursions into Strat...

I probably am currently about as addicted as you are, though I have never seriously tried to quit WoW. Even contemplating it disturbs me, if that says something about how dependent I am. I think if I tried to quit right now, I would lose sleep just based on the time I'd spent going "want game, can't have game, want game, can't have game..."
WoW isn't the first thing I've used as an escape from the world though. When I was in middle school, it used to be only books, but I've since expanded it to include many forms of entertainment. WoW just happens to be the best one right now. So when I cannot play WoW for extended periods of time, I make sure I have other games to play, books to read, people to hang out with, or tv shows to watch if I'm going to have free time. If I have none of these... um, well, I just hope you never have to deal with me then. If I ever sincerely decide to quit WoW, it won't be at the height of my enjoyment (I'll wait till I'm bored with the game), and I'll make sure I have something to do in its stead. I've got some anime series I stopped watching, and I'm sure new ones have come out, or I could buy Photoshop, and work on improving my art skills to their maximum potential, or I could do something really meaningful and productive like volunteer my time somewhere, or work on that graduate degree I've put off even thinking about.

I don't know if these thoughts will help you, but this is what came to mind.

You know that the nibbler and I love and miss you!

Rowe and company

Arlanni,

Make sure you add me to the friends list! You don't get away that easily!

I hope you stay happy and healthy whereever you choose to land.

Best wishes,

~ Eddora

Sorry, I missed your whisper the other day. I was spammed a bit and meant to reply but fate decided otherwise. It was good to hear from you, though, and I hope you are doing better!

Take good care of yourself!!!

--Your friend always, Pithy

I took a break for about 2 months or so filling my time with other things. I think it is important to at least try to find some kind of balance. When you talked about not sleeping - I find I get less sleep when I am actively playing than when I am not - lol!

IF I may suggest - try finding an activity to do perhaps only one night a week that does not involve WoW - maybe a movie night with friends or something like that - even another game might be helpful.

Actually Celebrant, I have started to play another game, though right now it's only dabbling. It's quite a different game from WoW, to be sure, and doesn't seem to be quite as group-oriented... in fact I haven't really made any friends there yet. But perhaps in time...

If anyone's curious, here's the website:

http://www.worldofkungfu.com

It's a good step.